About two months ago I heard the song I Will Wait by Mumford & Sons and just had this drive to write. I wrote it and read it and reread it and to this moment, I’m not sure what it was that made me want to write it all. But the lyrics and rhythms moved me for whatever reason to just put words on paper. While searching around on my computer, I found this and just thought something about it was either tragically beautiful or beautifully tragic. But again, no clue what exactly was going through my mind at the time of writing it, perhaps just a doodle.
And I came home, like a stone, and I fell heavy into your arms
It was late at night when the door was shut. I collapsed on the floor and into your arms. As you breathed in my scent. Wrapping arms around mine and pulled in as tight as you could. I smelt that scent familiar for years. The playful memories springing to mind from the clean cut fresh smell of an old top. Wiping the tears and whispering, it will be ok.
These days of dust, which we’ve known, will blow away with this new sun
Everything familiar comes to an end. We sat like we always had, shoulders touching, feet dangling, fingers unsure of where to interlock. Soaking in the silence was always a beautiful treasure for us. The voices surrounding us always grew loud and the chances we had to stop for a minute were always valued.
And I’ll kneel down, wait for now, and I’ll kneel down, know my ground
I ran. I ran hard. My body grasped at loose straws in search of relief. You weren’t there. Not where you were supposed to be. One can only take so much before they crash onto their knees. The elbows meet the cold gravel. The forehead presses down in prayer and solace. The soul searches for something to make it all better. Where has it all gone?
And I will wait, I will wait for you
When we had finished our time together. When each foot met the descending steps. Your echo sounded the hollow well. My glance shifted to see the sincerity in your words and actions. Will you? The only question remained in this puzzle. Will your words be validated by what future, by what you do not know? You are betting on yourself now.
So break my step, and relent, you forgave and I won’t forget
It was more than your kind soul that let me pass. I choose to believe it was the broken boy you saw. No matter how much you didn’t like what you saw, you’re loss of words wouldn’t stop that traditional gesture. And as you reached out ready to catch the falling, you got it. You had what you wanted, you weren’t letting go. No one was asking you too. Hold it close and cherish it with all the warmth you possess.
Know what we’ve seen, and him with less, now in some way, shake the excess
We filled the pages of all the leather bound books in our reach with our memories. Whether it was passing it back to me or gifting it to you, we shared what there was. You didn’t even know it existed. I remembered looking in your eyes while licking my thumb to turn the page. Prove it you said, with your victorious tone. But I produced the product of spent effort in your hands. I didn’t let you have what it was you wanted. But I promised it would come.
But I will wait, I will wait for you
You said it through the sobs and the tears. Hands clenched around a last hope. Clearing the stains in the mirrors which I looked at myself in so many times before. There was hope. There was desperation. The soft sound of youth proving how much that seed needed to grow. And as the clench loosened and the farewells were bid, the pain swelled from a fresh hit.
So I’ll be bold, as well as strong, and use my head alongside my heart
You are never done learning. My mother didn’t give up teaching. And if I couldn’t learn from her, I would learn from another. Would it be you? Could it be? The things I’ve learned. The things you’ve taught. The methods executed and experiences made were stepping stones to bigger and better things. I am not the teacher. I never claimed to be. I gave what I could and you took it all.
So take my flesh, and fix my eyes, that tethered mind free from the lies
Beaten to the ground we screamed and we cried. We fought for our freedoms. We yearned for knowledge and hungered for more. But as it came to be, we would be better off. The pure of heart and good intentions come later. But the process to learn, to be better, would always exist. It wasn’t to be soon forgotten. It was one to take with you always.
But I’ll kneel down, wait for now
And though that sometimes means that what we want and need most is just out of reach. The patience demonstrated will be long worth the struggle. I’ve only lived for so long. You’ve more to go. You’ve more to learn. I have a whole life to live. I will create while you experience. Don’t let the withering pictures in my memory hold you to that place.
Raise my hands, paint my spirit gold, and bow my head, keep my heart slow
Happiness is an easy route. People argue and debate that so much is needed to achieve peace. It isn’t one for the rich or the pampered. It is one for the persistent and the hungry and for those to desire and those to fight. You are so many and so few. You have so much. You have so little. You won’t know soon what to do or who to be. Life has brought you and taken you. Don’t belittle yourself to words or actions or experiences. Compare yourself only to what you will become, not to who you were.
Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
There will always be someone to wait.